I just can’t believe to finally get the positive response, I longed for, from her. In fact, when she got mad with me four months ago, I had lost the drive to maintain this blog. Her loud and clear message appeared to seal the remaining hole in my illusion. In that post, I even hinted to end my blog just as I put an end to my fantasies and face the realities.

It was unexpected, sort of surprise similar to my reaction when I opened up this blog after some months and realized that my Alexa rank slid to almost 5,000 from unprecedented phenomenal growth reaching to 346,546, the highest rank attained by any of my blogs. Alexa checks traffic on website. It reveals how well your website or blog fare against others in the traffic competition. Ratings start from 1 to 20,000,000 and even beyond. The lower the number, the better your Alexa rating is.

Yes. While she maintained her stand to confine our relationship within the boundary of friendship insisting on a clean and wholesome relationship, she granted my request to freely express what is inside me without fear and reservation. Sort of affirmation in resolving the ambivalence.

It is in this context that I started to revive this blog with a resolve to recapture the unprecedented wave it had experienced before. This blog is a tribute to a woman for successfully touching a soft spot in my being whose impact until now I cannot fully explain. Of all the women I met in my life, yea I have related with, there is only one worth comparing i.e. my beloved wife. I am not saying that the other women I have loved were less significant. I have valued them and treasured our relationship. But the extent of inspiration and challenge, as well as the gentle, albeit imposing or should I say domineering approach of the aforementioned duo makes the distinction. Coupled with their trustworthiness and simplicity of lifestyle that seems to take offense on lavish ways and even praises. I have attempted to find some explanations and elaborate one in my previous blog. But they are still inadequate.

Beyond imagination, without even robbing the love and attention I have for my wife, this woman has inspired me to create this blog. Her ambivalent reactions to my appreciation and admiration have sustained my posts. How long? I don’t know. Just as I can never tell whether I will ever sustain this blog’s phenomenal growth.

Looking back, I treated her just like any other member of our class. Although from the start she already exudes some kind of wits, charms, kindness, gentleness, sweetness and other qualities I admire. It was when I asked her help to facilitate my paper in her hometown that we started our constant communication. Most often, exchanging jokes and wits. We seemed to enjoy the new found friendship. Until due to unguarded recklessness, typically of me (at times), I offended her with my annoying innuendos and bothersome allusions and illusions. Still, she handled that rage with civility and grace which, surprisingly, intensified the pain I felt in the process of resolution and reconciliation.

Thereafter, I become overcautious not to renege on my promise never to hurt her again that way. Although, at times, my naughtiness attempts to test the water because despite the corresponding alienation, I seem to miss those moments when she freely expressed what was inside her. My previous posts and the upcoming ones, with periodic interlude of excerpts culled from my father’s diary, will determine the extent and sustainability of the phenomenal growth of this blog. And, perhaps, to a certain degree, how far our relationship will go based on her only demand – a clean and wholesome one.


Unexpected, indeed: Thanks to Reddit

I was not expecting hundreds would  join me in treading on unfamiliar terrain.  A day after my post, I was amazed by the twist in viewership of my blog as gleaned from the built- in stat counter. It was unexpected. So I checked my dashboard to see what happened. This message  greeted me.

welcome stats

Opening the stat site,  I discovered that the number one referrer was Reddit.


Then, I remember that after my post, I tried to use all the services made available by the WordPress. In fact, when I registered to some services, admittedly I was not completely aware of the benefits I would get. There were times, Reddit would reprimand me for neglecting some rules in submission. When I was about  to choose the subreddit, I tried to encode unfamiliar. But I could not find the word. Instead unexpected was one of those which appeared.

Thus, I click it without expecting something unexpected twist would happen. And it did happen. Thanks for Reddit.

unexpected twist

Wikipedia  has described Reddit  as  a social news and entertainment website where registered users submit content in the form of links or text posts. Users then vote each submission “up” or “down” to rank the post and determine its position on the site’s pages. Content entries are organized by areas of interest called “subreddits”. A blogger named Micah has made a good discussion on how Reddit works and how to use it to grow your business.

In retrospection, the phenomenal growth of  this blog is unexpected, too. It has overtaken my other  blogs. As of this writing, the Alexa rank is 346,546 with 2,830 views. Even its creation was unexpected. Would you ever believe that at my age and status in life, I  venture to blog on love and romance? I have never done this before as shown in the niche of my other blogs. Better still, would you ever believe that I would fall in love with a woman other than my wife. But things happened unexpectedly.

But isn’t this an endearing reality in life? Significant things happened unexpectedly. The birth of Jesus whom Christians believe to be the incarnated God, the prophesied King  and Savior of  the world took place in an unexpected setting- a manger in a little town of Bethlehem. Mind you, the unlikely witness to such glorious event were the shepherds, considered as the lowest and most despised social groups at that time. But it was just the start of controversies unexpected of  long awaited king and messiah. Later, he surrounded himself with disciples who were unschooled and ordinary, disdained  tax collectors and revolutionaries. Some of his associates were dregs  and outcast of  the  society. 

Indeed, as blogger Rachel Held Evans describes, it is unexpected to find God in

     Jesus, who was born as an oppressed minority in an occupied land,
     Jesus who was an immigrant,
     Jesus, who surrounded himself with the poor, the sick, the marginalized and the “untouchables,”
     Jesus who was criticized by the religious for hanging out with sinners,
     Jesus who treated women with dignity and respect,
     Jesus who taught his disciples to love their enemies, to give without expecting anything in return, to overcome evil with love,
     Jesus who suffered,
     Jesus who wept,
     Jesus who – while hanging on a Roman cross – said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Oh what an endearing reality in life. Many things happen the way we never expect them to be.  For as St. Paul was quoted in the Holy Book saying:   God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.make foolish wise.

Keep on following this blog for more unexpected but endearing realities  in life.

Treading on unfamiliar terrain

I have never been into this  ambivalence, before. Nay, a  dilemma,  a mess. The feeling may be familiar but the condition is very different. True, I have been into not a few relationships. However, similar previous ones were intentional, deliberate, mutual, short- lived with romantic/sexual undertones. Not this recent one. It is gradual and growing, seemingly without malice. For you are too kind and wholesome to become the object of my sexual fantasy.

I do not know how to completely describe it, other than to admit, it is difficult for me to handle, at the moment. Because, I never intend this to be. I did not seek for it. It just came naturally, unexpected, unplanned, unprogrammed. Quite strange yet true. Worse, I welcome it, although I know it will lead to nowhere. As quoted on my previous post: “I enjoy living my humanity and exposing my vulnerability, without fear or shame, in loving you.” I think I am treading on unfamiliar terrain in life’s experiences.

Sometimes, it’s funny to think that at my age and status in life, I still entertain this kind of infatuation typical of youth. Quite ironic that I allow myself to dream the impossible dream, engage in chasing the wind, and dare to catch the unreachable stars.

Looking back , I seem to find the connecting dots . I tend to tread unfamiliar terrains. Yea, going against the tide or odds. Since childhood, I always make it a point to play mud in the rain, dip my legs in canal, potholes, and floodwater. I love to take off my sandals so that my feet can touch the dirt of the ground. Much more, when I become professional, I find soiling my hands, either by doing backyard chores, carpentry, vehicle washing and repair, a productive stress – relief mechanism or diversion.

When I joined the ranks of activists and revolutionaries, I try to defy the cruelty and threat of dictatorship and even death. With my current status, I still make it a point to take an off road ride, leaving the comfort of the office, testing my reflexes and taking the risks of treading an unfamiliar terrain.

Likewise, I am fond of being on the side of the underdogs. Oh, how I love to defend even a losing cause. For I  believe that nothing is impossible in a world full of surprises and antipodes. A world full of harsh yet endearing realities. Thus, insisting on the right to love in a wrong time and circumstance is an attempt to defy the odds. Investing in love without expecting a return is like treading on the unfamiliar terrain.

Taken from:

Taken from:

Clean and wholesome relationship

Repeated more than once, you have clearly conveyed your message in a wholesome way. That is what you want – a clean and wholesome friendship. This is another thing I like in you. I knew you were really  mad, at that time, nay irritated  with the way I pushed the issue despite your resistance. But you still expressed your annoyance in a wholesome manner. Distance was not enough to  cover the penetrating message coming from the depth of your heart. I read it clearly, hear it audibly. Its arrow has pierced my heart.  I felt convicted. I realized my wrong. I have overstepped the bounds, exceeded the  limits.  I have offended your decency.

Humbly did I admit my mistakes, my sins, my trespasses, my iniquities. Like a tamed rascal, who had learned lessons in a painful way,  I suddenly became meek for the sake of our friendship. I have learned to value it  because  I don’t want to lose you. I know I can sacrifice my personal interest in the name of clean and wholesome friendship.  Although I believe,  and always will, that  my failings are forgivable, not grave, not mortal for  how could you hold grudge to  a person  whose only mistake is his honesty to express admiration and love? I even feel aggrieved, yea, suppressed for the holy book assures us that “there is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear. ” Yet I know that in this kind of society such as ours  where there is a double standard of morality,  women are the most vulnerable to issues or intrigues on  relationship whether true or not. Hence, the over consciousness or emphasis on clear and wholesome relationship.

However,  I have been disturbed by  confusing signals. They are not unnoticeable.  Seemingly,  there is an ambiguity on the root  cause of your resistance, anger  or irritation. Is it because you were betrayed, violated, abused, scandalized? Did I appear uncourteous, disrespectful, lewd ? Have I made obscene advances, appear playful, bohemian, easy- go- lucky, casanova?  I don’t feel guilty of the charges. While I was brutally honest with my feelings, I did not become abusive.  Neither I was rude. Forgive me, but the thought  that you just want to suppress your feelings,  from time to time, surfaces in my mind.  Baseless,  it may be, the possibility that this triggers your resistance  is not always remote.

Photo Credit:

Besides, I don’t always feel comfortable in a clean and wholesome atmosphere. Since childhood,  I always make it a point  to play mud in the rain, dip my legs  in canal, potholes, and floodwater.  I love to  take off my sandals so that my feet can touch the dirt of the ground. For how can I get rid of my roots – home of  flooded rice paddies with endearing sights to behold. Mixed with blood,  sweat and tears of those who till the land and tirelessly toil, they comprise the endearing realities in countrysides. For from those dirty hands, we find the  supply of food for our land.   Much more, when I become professional, I find soiling my hands, either by doing  backyard chores,  carpentry, vehicle  washing and repair,  a productive stress – relief    mechanism or diversion.

Similarly, in most instances, clean and wholesome do not always go together. Many times, I find myself in unpleasant situation despite my clean intention or motive. When I joined the ranks of activists and revolutionaries, my direction was clear, intention clean and noble, motives pure  but people diluted, nay polluted,  my involvement with their bias, prejudice. I would even say cowardice, if not  justification, to their apathy, negligence and sins of omission. Oh how the standards of our society controlled by chosen few have adulterated even the noblest intention or the spirit and essence of those twin words.

Despite all my reservations and arguments, however, no matter how unconvinced, I willingly submit to your wish and expectations. After all, they are worthwhile. They are not bad. Neither are they burdensome, nor detrimental to health and relationship .  Better still, do I have a choice?  I value you and our friendship. Whatever  sustain our relationship, I consider them part of the endearing realities in life.  Yes, let’s maintain a clean and wholesome friendship. All  because  I love you, dear friend.