One thing I am happy about when I reflect on our relationship is the fact that I cannot recall any instance when I lied to you. I might have exaggerated some truths. I might have overstepped the bounds, pushed myself beyond the limits. There were times when I might have become insensitive to the extent of hurting or offending you and got your ire. Still I remain honest with my feelings towards you. I have been consistently true to you and to myself in expressing my feelings. Would you not congratulate me?
You wonder why I want to talk with you for a longer time? I tried to ask myself similar question.
Nothing less than to know you more. Maybe I just want to be realistic. We have already spent some time and perhaps emotion in exchanging text messages that mutually made our day. Hopefully, we will be spending more depending on how we sustain such friendship. To what extent we enjoy such new relationship may vary from time to time. Undeniably, however, we find refuge in each other virtual presence after a day’s work, most often a tough one, tiring and at times tiresome , yet fulfilling. And so I feel it proper to know the person to whom I would invest more time and trust.
Probably, I want to have a glimpse of what is in you that attracts me to engage in such friendship and trust. Admittedly, I do not know you aside from our interaction in classrooms and later in texting. But I just feel comfortable and maybe secured in exchanging intimate thoughts and feelings, maybe in the form of jokes or seemingly senseless comments though never lack in meaning and sensibility. You aptly said it when you texted something like this – “ there are things that should be enjoyed and appreciated, not necessarily (or at all times) understood.” Perhaps the artist in you dictated such thought which I subsequently agreed. But the philosopher in me is restive until I find its meaning . And I feel knowing you more will make me discover the answer be it proximate if not ultimate.
And then what?
Again, I have to be realistic. There is no illusion in me to seriously court you as we are no longer free to engage in such relationship. Neither is there any wild thought to dream that fate will eventually catch us together in most unlikely course of events or circumstances. Although, nothing is impossible in a world full of surprises and antipodes.
I don’t know. I just feel there is something good to happen between us for without which our paths would never cross this way, unintentionally or unexpectedly. For I have been conditioned to look for mutuality in relationship and service with the end view of development- a sustainable one. I might have also internalized the distinctive Filipino value of “utang na loob”. Admittedly, you have done something good to me. As I told you, you have touched something in my being. You have made me happy many times. And perhaps I long for your company.
But more than that, I want to return the favor. My life experiences have taught me to be inclusive- to seek not only my own benefit, but that of others, as well, not only to be served but to serve. Maybe I want to be of help to you sometime in the future, somewhere and in whatever ways. Not necessarily because you need it. But I believe you deserve it. You deserve to be happy and to be loved