Easier said than done

I was bold enough to  declare letting go, for now, in my previous blog, until you realize you need me more than anything else. However, I realized later such decision is easier said than done.

For how can I let go of my feelings towards you when you are the reason for the creation of  this blog. It’s just like compelling myself to put an end to this blog and, as well,  bid goodbye to the readers.

endearing

Letting you go would mean  dictating my heart to cease beating, for awhile,   or  forcing  my mind to  stop thinking, in a moment.  For you have become a part of my daily existence, integrated into my feelings and thoughts.

Letting you go is far from truth. A betrayal of my being.

Taken from: shirtoid.com

Taken from: shirtoid.com

 

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Letting go…

I almost gave up on you last week when you remained mum despite my barrage of text messages. Somehow, I have reached my limit. It was not the first time you did it to me. We were supposed to have our date on Saturday. You renamed it group meeting, insisting date is prohibited for us considering our status. I conceded. Yet , few hours before the schedule, you texted me you could not come because of some important matters. While I felt bad about it, I tried to understand your priority and console myself by focusing on the preparation in our relief operation and medical mission.

But you communicated with me late in the afternoon, kidding whether my day was complete without you. I was quite elated when you made the first move, again hopeful, expecting you to sound apologetic and send me consoling messages. But that was all the message I got from you for the day. You remained unresponsive even to my jokes and sarcasm. Your silence sent confusing signals. I took it to mean either you did not get the joke, or so guilt-ridden, or just insensitive to the feelings of others? Either way, I feel offended by your snub.

While licking the wound of an offended ego, I gradually realized the futility of keeping this seemingly one-sided affair. I decided to forget about you for a while, as I focused on my work and family. I succeeded to overcome my missing and longings for you for a day. Inspired by the development, I was on the verge of letting go of my feelings towards you, to free myself from the emotional trap I willingly created and entangled. But, again, you held back that feeling by breaking the silence and apologizing for the mess as it was too late you realized my text messages were all found in the spam of your new mobile phone.

Taken from: happyfoodhealthylife.com

Again, I seemed to forget all the nasty feelings and thoughts against you as we resumed our endearing exchanges of text messages. You were back to your charming, witty, naughty yet endearing self. However, unexpectedly, it was short lived. In few days, you became illusive. Your text messages became rare as raindrops during summer. Like a dip of water in a faucet during shortage, I could easily count it. To paraphrase the cry of Psalmist in the Holy Book, as the deer pants after the water brooks, I long for your text and start to lose my patience. More so, when I found out I have another rival for your attention apart from your dearly beloved, your work and family. Worse, when you confided to me about the identity of your new infatuation, nay your addiction.

I then remember three months ago when similar lag happened in our communication. When a feeling of concern had replaced my sigh of protest, impatience and rudeness. I was so worried on what might have happened to you that I almost became sleepless. Only to find out early in the morning that the real culprit was beyond my fear and imagination. You were so engrossed with, albeit entertained by watching the Kapamilya teleserye (ABSCBN television soap opera) that you fell asleep without knowing it.

Taken from: mommamonstersconfessions.blogspot.com

Taken from: mommamonstersconfessions.blogspot.com

Lest more of these vanities continue to play with my emotion, I have decided to let go with my feelings towards you, no matter how painful it would seem. I am giving you all the freedom to be with your new crush that I want to crash, if given my way. Yes, letting go, for now, until you realize you need me more than anything else.