Repeated more than once, you have clearly conveyed your message in a wholesome way. That is what you want – a clean and wholesome friendship. This is another thing I like in you. I knew you were really mad, at that time, nay irritated with the way I pushed the issue despite your resistance. But you still expressed your annoyance in a wholesome manner. Distance was not enough to cover the penetrating message coming from the depth of your heart. I read it clearly, hear it audibly. Its arrow has pierced my heart. I felt convicted. I realized my wrong. I have overstepped the bounds, exceeded the limits. I have offended your decency.
Humbly did I admit my mistakes, my sins, my trespasses, my iniquities. Like a tamed rascal, who had learned lessons in a painful way, I suddenly became meek for the sake of our friendship. I have learned to value it because I don’t want to lose you. I know I can sacrifice my personal interest in the name of clean and wholesome friendship. Although I believe, and always will, that my failings are forgivable, not grave, not mortal for how could you hold grudge to a person whose only mistake is his honesty to express admiration and love? I even feel aggrieved, yea, suppressed for the holy book assures us that “there is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear. ” Yet I know that in this kind of society such as ours where there is a double standard of morality, women are the most vulnerable to issues or intrigues on relationship whether true or not. Hence, the over consciousness or emphasis on clear and wholesome relationship.
However, I have been disturbed by confusing signals. They are not unnoticeable. Seemingly, there is an ambiguity on the root cause of your resistance, anger or irritation. Is it because you were betrayed, violated, abused, scandalized? Did I appear uncourteous, disrespectful, lewd ? Have I made obscene advances, appear playful, bohemian, easy- go- lucky, casanova? I don’t feel guilty of the charges. While I was brutally honest with my feelings, I did not become abusive. Neither I was rude. Forgive me, but the thought that you just want to suppress your feelings, from time to time, surfaces in my mind. Baseless, it may be, the possibility that this triggers your resistance is not always remote.
Besides, I don’t always feel comfortable in a clean and wholesome atmosphere. Since childhood, I always make it a point to play mud in the rain, dip my legs in canal, potholes, and floodwater. I love to take off my sandals so that my feet can touch the dirt of the ground. For how can I get rid of my roots – home of flooded rice paddies with endearing sights to behold. Mixed with blood, sweat and tears of those who till the land and tirelessly toil, they comprise the endearing realities in countrysides. For from those dirty hands, we find the supply of food for our land. Much more, when I become professional, I find soiling my hands, either by doing backyard chores, carpentry, vehicle washing and repair, a productive stress – relief mechanism or diversion.
Similarly, in most instances, clean and wholesome do not always go together. Many times, I find myself in unpleasant situation despite my clean intention or motive. When I joined the ranks of activists and revolutionaries, my direction was clear, intention clean and noble, motives pure but people diluted, nay polluted, my involvement with their bias, prejudice. I would even say cowardice, if not justification, to their apathy, negligence and sins of omission. Oh how the standards of our society controlled by chosen few have adulterated even the noblest intention or the spirit and essence of those twin words.
Despite all my reservations and arguments, however, no matter how unconvinced, I willingly submit to your wish and expectations. After all, they are worthwhile. They are not bad. Neither are they burdensome, nor detrimental to health and relationship . Better still, do I have a choice? I value you and our friendship. Whatever sustain our relationship, I consider them part of the endearing realities in life. Yes, let’s maintain a clean and wholesome friendship. All because I love you, dear friend.