What makes this year’s yuletide celebration significant to me?
I made my endearing lady happy with my Christmas present. Oh, my gift was not extravagance. Neither was it extra ordinary. I did not even personally handed her the token. I sent her a text message – the essence of which makes her feel good, relieve, and of course happy by the way she appreciated it in her reply.
Nothing sophisticated. A simple appreciation of my wonderful experience with her, the lessons she has taught me in so short a time we got acquainted with, and a promise to disturb her no more. Instead, I will continue loving her the way she wants it to be, unconditional, without expectations.
Some months ago, I got acquainted with this endearing lady I have learned to love. Her charms, wits, charisma came at a time when I was unconsciously longing for such. By accepting me just as I am, she made me feel at ease and comfortable in our relationship.
She seemed to have no reservation on what and where I had been. Rather than questioning or trying to find explanation or meaning, at all times, she taught me to just appreciate and enjoy things more than understand them. In so short time, she has gained my trust and confidence by just allowing me to express myself without fear and reservation. I almost forget my foes and woes, my fears and tears, wearies and worries, my plaints and pains in life.
She has entertained me with her jokes, charmed me with smiles or frown, and puzzled me by her seemingly mysterious ways. The extent of inspiration and challenge she has given me, as well as the gentle, albeit imposing or domineering approach makes the distinction. Likewise, her trustworthiness and simplicity of lifestyle that seems to take offense on lavish ways and even praises.
What’s the problem then?
Lovable and loving, yet she is less appreciative of the admiration and value I give her. The more I love her, the nil my chances to score , as she deliberately shuts the door and curtails any attempt to woo her. For ours is somewhat a forbidden love.
In fact, from the start, there is no illusion in me to seriously court her as we are no longer free to engage in such relationship. Neither is there any wild thought to dream that fate will eventually catch us together in most unlikely course of events or circumstances. For doing so is just like going against all odds.
But why can’t I let her go? Better still, why can’t I let go of my feelings?
Ironically, it is the odds that make me hold on. For I feel safe and secured in her. I know she will never allow our relationship to go beyond the limits. For she always insist on a clean and wholesome one.
In her, I can let go of all my inhibition (but not my feelings towards her). Yea, my reservations and find freedom in expressing what is inside me without fear of infidelity. I enjoy living my humanity and exposing my vulnerability, without fear or shame, in loving her.
Besides, I could no longer free myself from the emotional trap I willingly created and entangled. For how can I let go of my feelings towards her when she is the reason for the creation of this blog. It’s just like compelling myself to put an end to this blog and, as well, bid goodbye to the readers.
Where lies the lesson?
Throughout the process, I have learned how it is to love unconditionally, without expecting a return.Absurd? Not really. Isn’t it the essence of the First Christmas?
From the Holy Book, we learn the gift of love of the Divine to humanity without condition through the incarnation: “When the Divine became flesh and made his dwelling among us. ” From such precedence, we can develop a mindset that does not seek for our advantage but the good of others, even at our expense.
Oh how I thank my endearing lady for such experience. And in order to make her Christmas happier, I promise no longer to disturb her with my irresistible innuendos and sweet nothings messages. Rather, I will continue loving her the way she wants our relationship to be, as friends, nothing more, nothing less.
With one condition, of course: Allowing me to love her forever freely, without fear or favor, without inhibition, restrictions and conditions through this blog. And let such feelings, freedom and even fantasies end here. Isn’t this an unconditional love?
Anyway, let me greet all the readers a Wonderful Christmas and Productive New Year.