Unconditional love

What makes this year’s yuletide celebration significant to me?

I made my endearing lady happy with my Christmas present. Oh, my gift was not extravagance. Neither was it extra ordinary. I did not even personally handed her the token. I sent her a text message – the essence of which makes her feel good, relieve, and of course happy by the way she appreciated it in her reply.

The content?

Taken from: abhilashakatoch.blogspot.com

Taken from: abhilashakatoch.blogspot.com

Nothing sophisticated. A simple appreciation of my wonderful experience with her, the lessons she has taught me in so short a time we got acquainted with, and a promise to disturb her no more. Instead, I will continue loving her the way she wants it to be, unconditional, without expectations.

Its significance?

Some months ago, I got acquainted with this endearing lady I have learned to love. Her charms, wits, charisma came at a time when I was unconsciously longing for such. By accepting me just as I am, she made me feel at ease and comfortable in our relationship.

Taken from: mapenzinandoa.wordpress.com

Taken from: mapenzinandoa.wordpress.com

She seemed to have no reservation on what and where I had been. Rather than questioning or trying to find explanation or meaning, at all times, she taught me to just appreciate and enjoy things more than understand them. In so short time, she has gained my trust and confidence by just allowing me to express myself without fear and reservation. I almost forget my foes and woes, my fears and tears, wearies and worries, my plaints and pains in life.

She has entertained me with her jokes, charmed me with smiles or frown, and puzzled me by her seemingly mysterious ways. The extent of inspiration and challenge she has given me, as well as the gentle, albeit imposing or domineering approach makes the distinction. Likewise, her trustworthiness and simplicity of lifestyle that seems to take offense on lavish ways and even praises.

What’s the problem then?

Lovable and loving, yet she is less appreciative of the admiration and value I give her. The more I love her, the nil my chances to score , as she deliberately shuts the door and curtails any attempt to woo her. For ours is somewhat a forbidden love.

In fact, from the start, there is no illusion in me to seriously court her as we are no longer free to engage in such relationship. Neither is there any wild thought to dream that fate will eventually catch us together in most unlikely course of events or circumstances. For doing so is just like going against all odds.

But why can’t I let her go? Better still, why can’t I let go of my feelings?

Taken from: youareharmony.blogspot.com

Taken from: youareharmony.blogspot.com

Ironically, it is the odds that make me hold on. For I feel safe and secured in her. I know she will never allow our relationship to go beyond the limits. For she always insist on a clean and wholesome one.

In her, I can let go of all my inhibition (but not my feelings towards her). Yea, my reservations and find freedom in expressing what is inside me without fear of infidelity. I enjoy living my humanity and exposing my vulnerability, without fear or shame, in loving her.

Besides, I could no longer free myself from the emotional trap I willingly created and entangled. For how can I let go of my feelings towards her when she is the reason for the creation of this blog. It’s just like compelling myself to put an end to this blog and, as well, bid goodbye to the readers.

Where lies the lesson?

Throughout the process, I have learned how it is  to love unconditionally,  without expecting a return.Absurd? Not really. Isn’t it the essence of the First Christmas?

Taken from: pastorblog.cumcdebary.org

Taken from: pastorblog.cumcdebary.org

From the Holy Book, we learn  the gift of love of the Divine to humanity without condition through the incarnation: “When the  Divine became flesh and made his dwelling among us. ” From such precedence, we can develop a mindset that does not seek for our advantage but  the good of others, even at our expense.

Oh how I thank my endearing lady  for such experience. And in order  to make her Christmas happier, I promise no longer to disturb her with my irresistible innuendos  and sweet nothings messages.  Rather, I will continue loving her the way she wants our relationship to be, as friends, nothing more, nothing less.

With one condition, of course:  Allowing  me to love her forever  freely, without fear or  favor, without inhibition, restrictions and  conditions  through this blog. And let such feelings, freedom and even fantasies end here. Isn’t this an unconditional love?

Anyway, let me greet all the readers a Wonderful Christmas and Productive New Year.

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You made my day, again

Such has become a cliché to us as we enjoy each other’s  exchanges of text messages almost daily. Sort of appreciation for the relief we  mutually find from each other after  a tiring day’s office work. Regardless of the sweetness or harshness of our jokes, we accept them as they are without malice. Although, at times, we can read between lines  an element of truth in  expressing sweet nothings in unconventional way. Surely, you protest this allegation as you often do  and always will, which is but natural, unlike my constant admission.

Yes, it has become sort of ritual to take turns  in initiating  the conversation  with me in the morning while you take charge of the evening’s session. Although, at times, I have to concede to your endearing naughtiness  which I always expect. Many times you made me wait in suspense which you tried to compensate with your  charms. I have to admit I long for such moments  as  I always make a good laugh and in the process, relieving  any stress or erasing any shade of doubt for the completeness  of the day.

But it was different last night. I waited for you to open the line of communication but you did not. I tried to wait for more  time without success. So, I   initiated a joke or sort of insult but you did not take  the bait. I was little bit discouraged. Nay,  mad, frustrated. Deep within me is a sigh  of protest,  a cry of injustice for  how could you do this to me while I have been religious in doing my part? But when the nasty feeling subsided, I realized it was unfair for me to judge you without basis. After all, you did not commit yourself to anything as  I always tend to assume.

Thereafter, there was a change of climate. A feeling of concern has replaced the impatience and rudeness. Many thoughts had flashed into my mind on the possible causes that might have given you lots of  anguish. You might have lost your cellphone and so worried that you could not communicate with me as expected. Or  somebody had sneaked  into the intimate exchanges in your phone and intervened in our affairs which curtailed your freedom to express yourself. Worse, you might be into an inner struggle against yourself – forcing yourself to distance from me while you can still  resist the temptation to seriously fall in love with me.

With all these disturbing  thoughts I  could hardly slept, worrying about you. I think I had slept later than usual as my mind was preoccupied with thoughts on how to  monitor your real situation the next day. Probably, I was so engrossed with such thoughts that I failed to check my cellphone before falling asleep.

It was early in the morning upon waking up that I read the text message which you sent almost midnight. Your feeling sorry for not texting was a consolation to me. But the reason why was far from my list and seemed to put in vanity all my worries. It was even beyond my expectations. A slap to my illusion. Should I be happy or sad to know that  you were so  engrossed with, albeit entertained by watching the Kapamilya teleserye (ABSCBN television soap opera) that you  fell asleep without knowing it?

Wheewww! Strange, ridiculous, absurd or whatever. Still, you made my day, again.