Against all odds, I won’t let go…

Taken from: bergenandassociates.ca

I was about to sleep after a tiring day.  Few minutes ago,  I bade good night to both of you. As it were, my wife immediately returned the favor. Apart from usual  deep seated wish, I did not expect much  from you to  free myself from frustration. Hence, I started whispering my evening prayer as routinary prelude  to  my slumber. But it was interrupted by the message alert tone  containing your text message. Inspired, I edited my outbox  outline for today’s post on not letting go and about  to  save it when the thought of directly encoding the draft came into my mind.

I  couldn’t explain why despite its anticipated  effect to my sleep, I gave in to the demand. Probably, life’s uncertainties always make me cautious not to leave any intriguing  content on my cell phone that would cause problems to my loved ones when I am gone. I don’t want to add more to their grief and misery, especially my dear wife. For I have offended her in the past, not more than once. And I don’t want to repeat the pain and struggles we have had when  I opened up to her my fall.

I know we are not that  guilty, for there’s no infidelity involved in our relationship. We do not even have deeper relations than friendship, although, in my part, I am certain that the love  I have for  you is more than for a  friend. I do not hide this to you which you always try to parry or evade. I  have tried, many times to let go of this feeling or let you go from my thoughts. But the more I do  it, the intense my feeling has become.

Taken from: fbcoverstreet.com

Many times,  I have become realistic and acknowledge that while you seem to be near, you choose to be far. While you are closer than my breath, you try to maintain your distance like a star. You are lovable and loving but  choose not to be loved.  I know that  the more I love you, the less my chances to be closer to  your heart, as you deliberately shut the door and  curtail any attempt to woo you.  I can only dream or desire for your love but I know I can’t  have  it. For ours is like a forbidden love.  And even if   the day comes when you feel the same towards me which is next to impossible but not remote. Oh, sometimes, I seem to feel the beatings of your heart and catch a glance in your eyes. Yet,  even  by sheer chance or fate  the impossible  happens,  I know  you will still betray your feelings. For you always always insist on a clean and wholesome relationship. And by that, you mean maintaining mere friendship, nothing more.

Taken from: favim.com

But why can’t I let you go against all odds? Why can’t I let go of my feelings, no matter how i convince myself that our relationship won’t go that far as it has been  going nowhere? Ironically, it is the odds that make me hold on. For    I feel safe and secured in your love. I know you will not betray me. Neither will you be unfaithful to  your loved ones. For you can deceive yourself by hiding your feelings but not other people.  I know you will never allow our relationship to go beyond the limits. For you always insist on a clean and wholesome one.

Having been into many past relationship, I  seem to sense the kind that will reach  to something else, anywhere and nowhere.  Having experienced being tempted in either thought,  words  or deeds  or both with casual slid, I always take precautionary measures and  dare, if I must, with calculated risks. But there’s no risk involved in  investing my feelings. For in you, I let go of all my inhibition, yea, my reservations and find freedom in expressing what is inside me without fear of infidelity. I enjoy living my humanity and  exposing my vulnerability, without fear or shame,  in loving you.  That’s why against all odds, I won’t let go of my feelings. Yes, I won’t let you go.

Taken from: http://www.firstcovers.com